


memories

by princessofpower



Category: F is for Family
Genre: Boys Kissing, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Drabble Collection, Gen, Illnesses, M/M, Stalking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 09:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessofpower/pseuds/princessofpower
Summary: A collection of drabbles from my rp blog. Random memories from Kevin's childhood and teenage-hood.





	1. Am I Dying?

When Kevin was 12 he was very sick one winter. The doctors all said he’d be fine but Kevin was convinced he was going to die. He stared bleary eyed, up at the ceiling. His head pounding as it always did now.

He’d been living on the couch to avoid getting Bill sick, and so his mother could keep a better eye on him. He didn’t want to sleep all the time, but he had nothing else to do and it was the only way to take the pain away. He closed his eyes and eventually drifted off again.

He woke up about an hour later in a sweat. Kicking and flailing. “Kevin, Kevin.” As his eyes fluttered open he pulled himself back into the waking world, he saw his mom kneeling beside him. He was still breathing heavily. 

“M-mom…” he trembled.

“Kevin, did you have a nightmare?”

“Oh, mom…. Am I dying?”

“No, sweetheart. I keep telling you, you’re going to be just fine. Why do you keep thinking you’re gonna die?” She asked, gently brushing some of his hair behind his ear.

“It feels like I am…” he mumbled. “I’m going to hell….”

“Kevin, no…. You’re going to be fine. I promise. You’ve never done anything bad in your life, why would you think something so awful?”

“I saw it…. I was dying…. I was being pulled down to hell. It was horrible…” He couldn’t even remember everything he saw, just the feeling of absolute terror and dread in his soul. 

“Kevin, angel…. You just had a bad dream.”

Kevin nodded, but he was still entirely convinced it was real. It haunted him the entire time. And his parents insistence that it wasn’t real only made him feel like it was hopeless. Nobody could save him, or would even try.


	2. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompt for this was; "Their First Kiss".

His arms awkwardly at their sides, sitting cross legged on the floor. A mouth presses against his own. The sensation is strange, he hadn’t expected another persons tongue to be so…. soft. But not soft in a good way. The velvety sensation is simply unexpected and he hasn’t decided yet if he likes it.

 

Bolo had wanted to practice kissing on him, which seemed harmless enough to Kevin, but he hadn’t considered the fact that he didn’t exactly know how to kiss himself. He isn’t sure he is very good practice. He holds his mouth open, though entirely still. He’s almost too shy to even attempt to kiss back. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to try and fail. His friend doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe it’s similar to kissing a girl. Are girls supposed to just stay still and accept the onslaught of tongue and lips? He doesn’t know. Of course, Bolo probably doesn’t know either. Maybe he’s ruining the entire practice session. When his friend goes to do it for real, it’ll be entirely different. Well, that’s not Kevin’s fault! He needed a little direction! Yes, he was sure he would be a much better kisser if the other person would just fill him in on what he should be doing. Maybe he could write the instructions down for future reference. 


	3. Late Night Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains intrusive suicidal thoughts. Maybe skip it if that bothers you. Takes place during season 2 at the height of Kevin's self-hate.

His thoughts had become his enemy. His tormentor. They never shut up, but at night, when he was trying to sleep, it seemed to somehow get worse. His brain wouldn’t stop screaming at him. 

Worthless. Disgusting. Scumbag. Traitor. Liar. Sickening. Pervert. Unforgivable. Dirty. Piece of Shit. Whore. Asshole. Fuck-Face. 

It never stopped! And the worst part was, it was all true! Kevin grabbed a pillow, holding it to his chest. Just please, stop! Please! But his thoughts were right. He didn’t deserve to have it stop. He deserved to be tortured. But he couldn’t take it anymore! He ran his hand through his hair. Tears form in his eyes, as he cries in overwhelming agony. At least there was one thing. He was the only one who knew. He was the only one who knew what a disgusting, horrible, scum-fuck he was. If they did know, they would hate him. They would hate him as much as he hates himself. Maybe even more. He would never be forgiven. He already knows the only way he can redeem himself would be to stop burdening everyone with his miserable existence. If he died, nobody would have to be exposed to him. 

Besides, he deserved it. He had to die. To go on living was just selfish! He was a disgusting, worthless whore who did nothing but hurt people and take up space. He buried his head in his hands. He didn’t  _want_ to die….But it didn’t matter what he wanted! His brain told him every night;

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. Die! Die! Die! Die! Fucking murder yourself, you piece of shit! You human filth, fucking do it! Just die already! Stop feeling sorry for your nasty, selfish, sickening little self and _fucking kill yourself_ ! 

“Oh God….” He clutched his head and squeezed his eyes shut, rocking back and forth on his bed. “I have to kill myself….” he sobbed. “I have to! I don’t deserve to be alive…. I only bring pain. Even to myself! It’ll only stop when I’m dead!” He stands up, looking around the room blurry eyed. He didn’t even know how to kill himself, but he knew he had to do it. He searched his room, thoughts of his family crossing his mind. Could he really go through with this? What would Bill think? What would dad think? They’d be fucking happy! Would they? Of course! They don’t love me! I bet they’ll be  _happy_ when they find out! No, no wait. That couldn’t be true. But it had to be. 

He found a pocket knife, switching open the blade and staring at it. He had to just do it and get it over with. He lifted his shirt. Would he die if he stabbed his chest? There was one way to find out…. 

His hand shook, fingers becoming loose. No. He tightened his grip again, raising the knife, and…. He tosses it across the room as hard as he can. What a fucking pussy! Can’t even do  _that_ right! 


	4. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin's 7th Birthday

1966 was a difficult year for the Murphy’s, but to Kevin, nobody was having a more difficult time than him. At least Maureen didn’t cry all night anymore, but it still seemed like all of his parents attention went to his brother and sister. “Oh Kevin, they’re littler,” his mother would try to explain. “Babies are a lot of work.” Well today was going to be about him for once! At least, it was supposed to be. Mom said they’d have cake in just a minute. But as he sat there in his back yard, the minute never seems to pass. It was Kevin’s birthday, and who was dad holding? Who was he giving all his attention to?  MAUREEN!  The jealousy he felt was like a fire, growing stronger and stronger the more he looked at  _her_ , and not  _him_ !

Of course, just like everything else, this started a fight. He wound up locking himself in his bedroom over this, which his dad was apparently not very happy about. “Kevin, you ungrateful little shit!”

“Grateful for what!? You won’t even look at me on my own stupid birthday!” he practically screeched at the shut door.

“Jesus Christ, Kevin! You’re seven years old, she’s one! Why don’t you try growing up!?”

“She should grow up! So I never have to see her again! I hate her!”

“Don’t say that about your sister!”

“She’s not my sister!” He yelled back, though he knew it didn’t make sense. He was just angry. “I wish she was a thousand years old so she’d be dead already! You only love stupid Maureen! You don’t even love me! You don’t even care about me!”

“I sure don’t love you right now, I’ll tell you that!”

“Just go away!” But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t go. He wouldn’t leave. He just had to keep yelling! “Go away! Leave me alone!” He shrieked until his voice was hoarse. “Leave me alone!” he picked up the nearest thing to him, and threw it at the door to make his point. It wasn’t until much later, when he realized it’d been his piggy bank. He spent a few more hours having a cry about that, promising the pig he’d get his ear and foot back on somehow. 

He didn’t come out of his room however. Not all day, or all night. Not even to get tucked in, which he normally couldn’t sleep without. Well, he still couldn’t, which was why he never fell asleep. Instead, he felt he at least deserved some cake after such a miserable birthday. Sneaking downstairs, he opened the fridge as delicately as possible, stuck his hand into the cake and pulled out a fist sized chunk. Munching on it, he considered getting some milk to go with it, but seeing as he could never seem to pour it without spilling, he decided he’d have to go without.

Then, in the void of silence, in the blackness of the room, the phone rang. Making Kevin jump. He answered it in a fast fumble, not wanting his parents to wake up.

“H-hello…?” He whispered into the receiver. At first, it seemed like no one was there. “Hello-”

“Hi, Kevin.”

“….Who is this?” He asked, speaking quietly.

“Your friend.” The man’s voice answered. 

“I don’t have any friends….” The boy responded, clearly confused.

“I saw what happened.”

“Oh….”

“Your dad really seems to hate you.”

“What…? My dad doesn’t…. He  _hates_ me?”

“Yeah. He really hates your guts.”

“No. He was just mad. He loves me. He told me before….”

“Before, huh? Well has he told you since Maureen was born?”

Kevin paused for a moment, thinking about the question. But he had no answer. “I don’t….”

“Now that he’s got Maureen, he doesn’t need you anymore.”

Kevin felt his heart drop. It was what he feared most. Could it really be true?

“No…. Baby’s are a lot of work, that’s all….” No answer. No answer for a long time. “Hello? I can hear you breathing….” 

“Kevin.”

“What?”

“You should go outside.”

“Umm… I’m not allowed to play outside at night….”

“Just for a second. Come out.”

“I don’t want to….”

“What, are you gonna listen to your parents? They never listen to you…”

“I don’t really want to…” He stopped mid-sentence, noticing his mother was now standing in front of him.

“Kevin, who are you talking to?” She asked in a sweet voice. Kevin just shrugged, holding out the receiver to her. She pressed it to her ear.

“….Kevin, you know I wouldn’t hurt you. Why are you scared? Your parents won’t find ou-”

“What!? Who  _is_ this….? How did you get this number!? Never talk to my son again! Do you understand me?” The ding of the phone echoed through the kitchen as it was slammed down.

“Did he scare you, Kevin?” She asked, lifting him up onto the counter so they were at eye level.

“A little….” Talking to the man gave him a weird, uneasy feeling. But it was what he said that really scared him. “Does daddy still love me?”

“Oh, sweetheart, of course he does.” She gave him a kiss on the forehead. “We shouldn’t fight so much….”

“Does he love Maureen more than me?”

“No. No, Kevin. I  _know_ you feel ignored. We love you so much. Things are just hard…” She sighed. “Maybe I’ll take you out one weekend. Just you and me. And we can do the same with your dad, okay?”

“Okay. Do you promise?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“I’ll try and do better too. I don’t know why I get so mad.”

“Well, we all do. It’s a problem…. You want me to tuck you in?”

Kevin nodded. 


	5. Blood of the Innocent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompt for this one was; Sexuality Realization

“I don’t know you guys…. What if I catch a disease?” Kevin asked. He was sitting cross-legged in a candle-lit basement. Two teenagers in black Sears bathrobes sat across from him, each with heavy black eyeliner and lipstick.

“We told you, Kevin,” the red-haired boy stated. “If you wanna be in our club, you have to drink the blood of the innocent.”

“Yeah, but…. Is it real?” 

“It’s corn syrup and food colouring, okay?” the blonde girl sighed. “Now just drink it!”

Kevin shrugged, taking a swig before passing back the wine glass. Fuck, that shit was sweet.

“Congratulations, disciple Kevin! You are now a Satanist!”

“Cool….”

“High Priestess Melissa….”

The girl flipped back her hair and cleared her throat. “Welcome to the fold! As one of the chosen, you will be privy to all of the unknown truths of the universe! The information that will finally set your soul free! We Satan Worshippers are of a higher understanding than all of these other sheep in the world. And you must be too. For example, we understand that sexuality transcends the sexes!”

“What does that mean?”

“….Pretty obvious….”

“Josh, your High Priestess is talking. Kevin, haven’t you ever been attracted to another guy.”

“Pfft, no way.”

“Come on, you’ve never seen a guy and found yourself thinking about him? What it would be like to lay your hand on his chest, or run your hand through his hair….”

“I don’t think so.”

“He doesn’t  _think_ so. He doesn’t know. Can’t say. Josh, put Kevin under the truth spell so we can hurry this up.” Josh held up his index finger, swirling it around in the air and making a ‘swoosh’ noise with his mouth, before flicking Kevin in the forehead causing him to flinch. “Now, you must tell the truth. Haven’t you ever thought about messing around with another guy?”

“Well, maybe once or twice.”

“Aha! I knew I sensed it in him, Joshua!”

“Sensed what?” Kevin asked, hoping he hadn’t just walked into some kind of trap.

“You are an enlightened one. This hang up about the sexes comes from the losers and dregs of this world, but you’re different. You see the light. You’re better than everyone else.”

“Sweet.”

“This is like, the most  _important_ part of Satanism.”

“Oh. I thought it was about worshipping the devil.”

“Kevin…. This is how we do that, okay? And you can come over anytime if you wanna do it again.”

“Wait. What are we doing exactly…?”

“Aren’t you listening? You’re gonna get to do what you always thought about. We’re gonna have sex. Me, you and Josh.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hang on….” Kevin slid back a little on the floor, away from the two.

“Don’t worry, we do it all the time.”

“Okay, but I’m not so sure I’m really up for this right now.”

“But…. You like guys  _and_ girls…”

“Okay, but like, I wasn’t really expecting to do some kind of, you know, orgy or something….” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well, technically it’s only an orgy if there’s more than three people.” Josh spoke up.

“Jeez, Kevin! When I asked you to join our Satanist club, what’d you think we were gonna do?”

“I don’t know… Smoke weed? Listen to some like, psychedelic rock?”

“No. Satanism is about the group sex…. Oh, come on Kevin. Just try it, it’s fun!”

“Well, I just…. I’m not up to this… Uhh…. Right now,” he said, bringing himself to his feet. “I mean, you both seem cool….”

“But, you drank the blood. You can’t leave the club  _now_ .” The boy informed him.

“I promise I’ll puke it up when I get home, okay? I mean, it’s cool you think I’m hot enough for your orgy and all, I just, you know, not really feeling it….” He laughed nervously, eager to get away. “Maybe later, or something…” he added, making his way to the door. “Well, probably not…..”


	6. Drowning Truama

“God, he’s big now….” 

“I know. I can’t believe he just turned four. It doesn’t feel like four years…” Sue commented, looking over from the kitchen table to her son and nice in the living room. Her sister sat across from her, smoking a cigarette.

“Go wake that baby up, I wanna see him.”

“No. Oh my god, it’s hard enough to get him down. I’m not gonna go wake him back up,” she laughed. “Kevin should probably go to bed right away too…. He should have a bath first….”

“Oh, Auntie Susie, can I do it?” Asked his cousin, seeming very enthusiastic. “I can check it off for my babysitting course!” 

Kevin himself wasn’t overly happy with this arrangement. His parents had only ever been the ones to do it in the past, and ever since Bill was born it seemed like he always got all the attention. And now, yet again, here he was. Rejected by his own mother! She wouldn’t even do something as simple as give him a bath….

He decided he would simply refuse to get in. Backing himself into the corner of the bathroom, he refused to move. His older cousin begged him to co-operate, but Kevin wasn’t having it. “No! I don’t like you!”

“You liked me five minutes ago!”

“I don’t care! I want my mommy!”

“Well, you’re mommy asked me to do it. Why don’t you just be good?”

Kevin didn’t answer, staying glued to the one spot. His cousin decided to ignore him, running the bath anyways. She figured Kevin would give up by the time it was ready, but Kevin was a lot more determined than that. 

“Come on Kevin, just get in!” She tried pulling him away by the arms.

“No…! Leave me alone!” Fed up, and not wanting to fail at her task, she yanked the kid harder, this time managing to pull him towards her.

“Owe!”

“That doesn’t even hurt! Don’t be such a baby…” She grumbled, ripping Kevin’s T-shirt up over his head. Kevin tried his best to wiggle away, but she simply picked him up in a one armed bear hug, and managed to get the rest of his clothes off. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” She told him. He continued to try and pry himself free, but he was just too weak. She tried to lower him in, but with all his struggling, she lost her grip and he dropped into the tub with a plop.

Kevin doesn’t even see himself go under. It’s like time simply stops and doesn’t come back until he feels a hand pull him back up. He blinks, trying to get his vision back. At first he doesn’t even realize it, but he’s coughing up water. The same rough hand pats him on the back but it does nothing. He grabs on to the soap dish, trying to elevate himself. Sitting down, the water comes up to just above his chin. An unexplainable fear grips him. It’s a struggle to breath, almost like he’s still under. He can’t remember ever feeling this way before in his young life, and yet the sensation seems familiar somehow. His heart is beating like a jackhammer. He decides he has to get out of the water. Pushing himself away from the wall, he clings to the side of the tub and attempts to hoist himself up and over, but is of course too weak. His cousin says something, but he doesn’t register the words. Just the sound of her voice. All he knows is that he’s unsafe here, and he won’t be safe again until he’s out. He’s pushed back to the centre of the tub, held there against his will. “Let me out!” he cries, but that doesn’t work. Instead, she frantically rubs a glob of shampoo into his hair, and to rinse, a bucket of water is dumped over his head. The sensation is unbearable to Kevin. He feels like a drowned cat. He coughs, waving his little hands around frantically. Just when he thinks he’s caught his breath, it happens again. He begins to cry, a mess of sobs, hiccups and coughs. The soap runs down his face, stinging his eyes. He squeezes them shut, which is painful, but keeping them open seems impossible. He can’t catch his breath, clutching his chest and trying to pull the skin away as if it would make more room for his lungs. 

Eventually he is pulled out and placed on a towel, half of which he lifts up and uses to wipe his eyes. He’s out. He’s in his bathroom. He’s out of the water. And yet, he still doesn’t feel safe.


	7. Broken Shovel

Kevin was a perpetually happy child, always a smile on his face. Maybe he was just still too naive to know any better, or maybe it was simply an easier time for him. It was only at 6 he began to feel lonely. With two younger siblings, he was no longer the centre of his parents lives. No longer was he showered with constant praise and affection. Still, he remained positive for the most part. He still clung to his father like a magnet when he arrived home from work, and daddy still hugged him back. During the day, though, he was spending more time by himself.

It wasn’t so bad, though. He liked playing in his backyard. It was big, and his puppy Major always liked to run around. Even if mommy couldn’t be outside, he felt safe with his dog. He sat in his sandbox, digging out a little path, his dog’s face resting contently on his lap. He picked a handful of grass and sprinkled on the sand maze. He wanted to make a hotel for ladybugs. He stayed at hotels with his parents before and it was a lot of fun, so he was sure a ladybug would feel the same way. He just needed to make the pool. He stuck his plastic yellow shovel into the sand, and…  _crack_ … It snapped in half. Kevin’s bottom lip began to quiver as he started to cry. “M-my shovel…” he whimpered. He picked it up, wiping his tears and heading for the house when…

“Hey, Kevin. I can fix that for ya’.”

Kevin looked up. it was his neighbour, Mr. Goomer. Kevin hadn’t even noticed he’d been watching him the whole time. He was sitting out on his porch, beer in hand. He was smiling, but Kevin wasn’t sure what to do. Mr. Goomer was daddy’s friend, and he knew he was supposed to be nice to him but Kevin just didn’t like him. He couldn’t explain it, but talking to Mr. Goomer always gave him an icky, bad feeling in his tummy. “Umm…” he didn’t know what else to say.

“Come on, Kevin…” he said again, motioning to him.

Kevin looked to his house, then to his shovel. He wasn’t sure why he did, but he listened. Mr. Goomer lead him to his garage, where he took some masking tape and wrapped it around the shovel handle a couple times. “All fixed, Kevin,” he announced, setting it down on the workbench, out of the boy’s reach.  He tried to stretch himself to get it down, but Mr. Goomer just laughed. “You’re a short one, huh?” he asked. Then he bent down so he was squatting, his face uncomfortably close to Kevin’s. He took a step backwards, but his neighbour just laughed again. He started talking again, but Kevin didn’t hear what he was saying. He ran a calloused hand through Kevin’s hair. He squeezed his eyes shut. Then he felt the hands move down to his cheeks, slowly running up and down. Kevin hated the feeling of the rough, sweaty hands on his face, but he was frozen in place. “You’re such a cute little boy…. Playing in your back yard…” the hands now gripped his shoulders. “Why are you always alone?”

“.. _.I don’t know_ ….”

“Mommy and daddy don’t spend much time with you anymore. Not like they used to….”

“…I…”

“Maybe you should have a different daddy.”

“I like my daddy!” Kevin said immediately. His eyes shot open. The hands moved to his chest. The yicky feeling got worse. It was almost painful. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. It was like his feet were glued in place. He just looked at his reflection in the mans glasses. Then, suddenly, the hands were gone. Kevin looked down, surprised, then he looked out the garage door. Dad’s car was just parking in his usual spot. Kevin blinked, still unable to move. Mr. Goomer stood up again, and suddenly the yellow shovel was being shoved back into his hands. He had almost forgot why he had come here at all. He looked down at it for a moment. It still seemed broken…

“Kevin.”

He looked up. His dad was there, on the sidewalk just outside the doorway. Kevin felt a wave of relief wash over him, enabling him to move once again. He rushed over, quickly being scooped up by his father. He wrapped his arms around his neck, not looking at the man as he explained about the shovel. Kevin’s dad laughed. “Aw, don’t worry about it.” 

Kevin watched his shadow down on the sidewalk as he was carried home. “Kevin.”

“Yeah, daddy?”

His dad sat down on the front step, putting Kevin on his knee. “I don’t want you hanging out with Mr. Goomer when your mother and I aren’t around, okay?”

“I don’t like him. He makes me feel weird.”

Kevin’s dad just nodded, not giving him a real response. He looked at him for a moment, and Kevin looked back, cocking his head. He ruffled his hair, which got a smile out of Kevin, before going inside. He still had the shovel in his hands. He turned around, dropping it into the rosebush. He didn’t want it anymore. He wondered if he was still watching. He didn’t want to check to see. He slipped inside, never playing out in his backyard again.


	8. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a request. Kevin brushing Bolo's hair.

“Careful, Murph…!”

“Relax, Jesus….” 

“You’re pulling too hard!”

“You wuss….” Kevin rolled his eyes, trying to brush his friends hair so he could see it better. Some asshole had taken a pair of scissors to it as he sat behind him in class. Luckily, the chunk missing wasn’t nearly as short as it could be. 

“I can’t believe this shit! I spent all winter growing this out!”

“It’s not as bad as you think. Looks easy to fix to me.”

“That’s not the point! I’m gonna kick that guys ass! What am I supposed to protect my hair 24/7!?”

“He’ll get what’s coming to him.” Kevin mentioned, though he wasn’t necessarily referring to taking action himself. He brushed the hair out as evenly as he could across Bolo’s back so he could line up the spot to cut. Taking a pair of scissors, he did his best to make it all even. It wasn’t perfect, but hopefully Bolo would never notice. He was quick to brush it back into it’s usual style, hiding his sloppy haircut. 

“Okay, you’re good….” He said, tying up the plastic bag he’d put the hair in, and tossing it aside for someone else to deal with. 

“Thanks. Hopefully it’ll grow back soon.”

“Yeah, it will,” he answered rather dismissively, crossing his legs on Bolo’s bed. “Now roll me a joint, I earned it!”

“I’m not a slave! Roll it yourself!”

“I just cut your hair for you,  _and_ i’m a guest!”

“Well, it’s  _my_   house….. Okay, fine. This one time I guess you earned it. Don’t think this is gonna be a regular thing, Murph. You come over so I can roll you joints, and bring you a fucking snack tray like I’m some stoners wife….” he rambled, getting up to dig around in his desk drawer.

“Yeah yeah, I get it. You’re a bad host.”

“Really? Would a bad host suggest ordering a pizza on my moms credit card?”


	9. Brain Problem

“This is your 38th suspension! What do you have to say for yourself?”

Kevin just sat silently in his chair, looking off to the side.

Mrs. Miller, his vice principal, flipped through some papers on her desk. “Look at these grades! C, D, F, D, D…. You are a complete failure, Kevin Murphy!” the words stung, but Kevin tried to remain stoic. “Do you even  _want_ to graduate?”

“…I don’t care…”

“I can tell. You should start caring. Do you know what happens to kids who don’t graduate?” Kevin didn’t answer, still refusing to look at the woman. “You’re gonna end up on the streets, you know that? Begging for change, addicted to drugs, whoring yourself out…”

“Shut up!” Kevin cut her off, jumping to his feet. “I am  _not_ a whore!” he said, clenching his fists by his sides.

“Sit down, Mr. Murphy, or I’ll make this suspension permanent.” It took him a moment to decide, but Kevin sat back down, glaring at the vice principal the entire time. “Are you apathetic, or just dumb?”

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“Do you not care about school?”

“I hate it!”

“Why?”

“It’s hard…!”

“It’s not hard. Nobody else is struggling like you. You are simply slow. You would do better in a special education class.”

“No, I’m  _not_ stupid! I’m not gonna let you put me in that class.”

“Kevin, you are gonna look at these grades and tell me you aren’t?” Kevin wasn’t really surprised she was being so blunt, as his teachers tended to be the same way. They always seemed frustrated they had to try and teach Kevin at all, lashing out at him for not understanding. His english teacher once did it in front of the entire class as Kevin struggled to read a passage from the novel out loud. Even though he was used to it, he had to hold back tears and this time was no different. She continued to chastise him, trying to get him to relent to being put into an alternative class. He just couldn’t. It was humiliating! He would never live it down! Her words just ate away at his soul; stupid, slow, dumb, disabled. Like there was something wrong with his brain or something….

He managed to keep himself composed, at least up until he got out of the building. On his bike ride home, he broke down. His vision was blurred from crying, he nearly crashed into a post. He was at least thankful his family wasn’t home yet. He could hide his emotions, and his suspension. He tossed his bike aside, between the garage and the fence, bursting through the front door, sobbing uncontrollably. 

He wanted to do good in school, he actually did. He wanted to be able to come home with high grades. Have his parents praise him. Have his teachers impressed by his improvement. Have his name up on the honour roll. But it was impossible. He hugged his knees to his chest, curling up in the corner of the couch. She was probably right. He probably did need to be in the dumb kids class. But he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be one of those kids! He just wanted to die…! At least then, somebody might say something nice about him… Was there really something wrong with his brain? His parents were both perfectly smart, how could they have had a son with a brain problem…? He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the arm of the couch. 

He nearly fell asleep there, until he was startled awake by a thud, and a jolt of the couch. “Major…” Kevin sighed, seeing the dog now up on the couch with him. The dog looked at Kevin, almost looking sympathetic. He placed a paw on Kevin’s side. “What? What do you want?” he mumbled. The dog moved closer, resting his head on the teenagers stomach. Kevin couldn’t help but smirk. “You wanna be petted?” he asked, stroking the dog along his head. “You just want someone to care about you, huh?” he said, scratching behind his ears. The dog wagged his tail in response. It made Kevin feel bad the dog was always so neglected. Just like him. He remembered his first Christmas, his dad bringing the yellow puppy into the little apartment they lived in back then. Major used to follow Kevin everywhere he went. 

He sat up, giving his dog a kiss on the head. “I’m sorry….” Major seemed to appreciate the attention, crawling onto Kevin’s lap as if he were still a puppy. “Oof… Ugh, you’re crushing me…” Kevin complained, but he couldn’t help but laugh. He wrapped his arms around the dog, leaning his cheek against him. “At least you care about me. You don’t think I’m stupid, do you? No, you probably think I’m the best person in the world…” he was really going to have to start making sure to pay more attention to his neglected little Christmas present. Life always seemed to get in the way, but he wasn’t going to use that excuse. Like his dad used on him. “When’s the last time anyone even took you for a walk?” Major jumped off him, onto the floor. Excited, like any dog would be, at hearing the word. “Well, I guess i have to now, huh….” What the hell. It was nice out, anyways. Taking him around the block would be a good way to forget about school. Just push it all down. “Okay, okay. I’ll take you….”


	10. I'm a hot stud, remember?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin's mastabatory fantasy runs away on him.

Ah, peace at last. Dad was on his ass about contributing to the family, being more like Bill (barf), so Kevin agreed to go along with the Bonfigalo’s (you know, Bill’s wimpy friends family) on their ski-trip and watch the baby in the hotel while  they were out during the day. It sounded like great quick cash! Sitting in a nice hotel room all day, being treated to dinner at night…. But dammit, if that stupid baby didn’t eat up most of his time. There was always something it wanted, except for now. It was finally asleep. Actually asleep. Not a sound. 

Finally, he could enjoy this hotel room properly! It was time to use that hot tub he’d been eyeing up the past day and a half! It was right in the middle of the room. Bright, shiny red. Pretty sexy if you ask Kevin. Too bad it was wasted on some stupid family… Well, at least he’d put it to good use! It was the perfect place to jerk off! God, he was getting hard just thinking about it! He closed off all the curtains, made sure the door was locked and dimmed the lights. 

He liked the hot tub because he could always touch the bottom. The water wasn’t too deep either, coming only midway up his chest while he was sitting down. Fuck, was it ever relaxing. He leaned back, closing his eyes and letting his stress fade from his body. It was like it was all floating, up into the air and being carried far away like a helium balloon. 

He wondered what it would be like to be in here with a girl. He ran his hand along his naked body, soft, delicate fingers like a girl might have. He started caressing his own thigh, giving it a light squeeze. It felt nice. His own teasing only making him more aroused. As he continued, a familiar giggle bounced through his head.

“You’ve got such a hot body….”

“….Claire…?” She giggled again, moving her hand to Kevin’s inner thigh, smiling seductively at him in her cute red bikini she’d worn last summer. He distinctly remembered seeing her with a friend, in the park on the way to the pool and instantly committing the image to memory. 

“I want you so bad, Kevin!”

“Really…? I mean, of course you do.”

“Will you do me a favour, Kevin?”

“Sure… Anything….”

“I just need someone to… Play with my tits.”

“Oh. Well… I-I’m glad to be of service!” he grinned. Oh man, touching Claire’s boobs was one thing he always wanted to do. They were so cute, the perfect size for his hands. 

“Mmm, just like that Kevin…”

“Oh God, Kevin! You’re such a stud!”

Kevin turned to his other side, checking for the owner of the new voice. “Bolo? What are you doing here…?”

“ _You_ tell  _me,_ ” he replied, brushing the dirty blonde hair from his eyes.

“Maybe practice kissing in the back of his moms car meant more to you then you thought,” Claire offered.

“Shit… I was afraid of that… Well, if that’s the case, I’ll go with it,” he shrugged.

“Hey, Kev. Can I jerk your dick, man?”

“If you  _insist_ …” Kevin smirked, feeling a hand wrap around it. He put an arm around Claire, pulling her into a wet, sloppy kiss. Then he put his other arm around Bolo and did the same. 

“Mmm, Kevin, baby…” the girl asked, “can I give you a blowjob? Please?”

“No, no. I wanna do it. Murph, come on, I’m your best friend.”

“No, I asked first!”

“No, I want to!”

“Hey, hey. You can both do it. How about this? Whichever one of you gets naked fastest gets to go first.” They both stood up right in front of him, happily obliging. Oh my God… She was taking off her bikini… And his shorts were coming sliding down… Holy shit, it’s…. “What the fuck…?” He couldn’t see anything. Where there junk should be, were just blank spots… “What’s going on?”

“You’ve never seen either of us naked,” she explained.

“Ya’ can’t picture it,” his best friend added.

“What!? This is bullshit! It’s my fantasy! I’m not even creative enough to imagine you two naked…!?” 

Bolo laughed that annoying laugh of his. “Aww, Murph. You loser…”

“No! I’m a hot stud, remember!?”

“Oh yeah…. You are!” They both returned to his side, each leaning their heads adoringly on either side of him, hand on his chest. 

“Oh Kevin, I still think you’re…  _Owe_ !” 

“W-what? What’s wrong!?”

“Owe!” she cried again, clutching her head. “My long hair! I didn’t tie it back!”

“Oh shit, me either! It’s tangled in the jet!”

“Oh no! I can’t get it out…!” 

Kevin watched in horror as his two friends were slowly pulled under the water by their hair, unable to break free no matter how badly they struggled. They thrashed and shouted, pulling and pulling. Choking and wheezing. He watched their faces, desperate and terrified. The bubbles from their mouths fading away as their lungs filled with fluid. “Oh, no….!” he shouted, clutching his own head. He squeezed his eyes shut, covering his ears. “No, no…!” Tears streamed down his face, his eyes shot back open. Everything was still again. They were both gone. He jumped out of the tub as fast as he could, wrapping a towel around himself. Still whimpering he pushed the stop button, and slowly backed away.


	11. Poleroid

Kevin savoured the cool water on his lips. It had to be the hottest day of the year. He took a few more gulps of water from the glass before setting it down. Mowing lawns around the neighbourhood for money had been his own idea. He had to admit, he was jealous of all the praise Bill got just for his stupid paper route. Well, Kevin already made more than Bill in one hour than he had all week! It was his plan, charging a steep $20 for a lawn cut. Sure, most of the neighbours turned him down, but Mr. Goomer seemed more than happy to pay his admittedly outrageous price. All he needed was one.

Kevin smirked to himself, feeling like he’d just played the system in a way. Well, not quite yet. He was in his neighbours living room, waiting for that sweet sweet payment. He bent over, letting the air conditioner blow against his face. His own family couldn’t afford such a luxury. His eyes wandered across the nearby bookshelf. He picked up a little dog figurine, looking it over before setting it back down. There was always something so off-putting about this particular neighbour. Even when he was a kid. In front of the books were various pictures. Some in frames, some just loose and propped up. Kevin scanned them, but didn’t really pay much attention to them. That is, until one caught his attention. Mainly because, it was of him. He leaned in closer, squinting at it. It was a fairly beat-up looking Polaroid, but it wasn’t too hard to recognize his own yard and his mom and dad. He picked it up to have a closer look. He must have been around 7, he’s opening a birthday present in his yard. Looking at it made his stomach churn. Why did he have this…. He wondered if he should put it back, or pocket it. He somehow didn’t like the idea of a picture of himself as a child being in this guys house. Especially since he obviously had to sneak to get the picture in the first place.

He was about to put it back where he’d found it, figuring it was maybe best to pretend he never noticed it at all, when he realized the book it’d been leaning against was a photo album. In fact, now that he looked, most of the books on the shelf were photo albums. Curiosity getting the better of him, he pulled out the one the photo had leaned on. He opened up the bright yellow book to a random page, not really sure what to expect. What he saw sent chills down his spine. It was him, again, aged maybe 11 or 12. He was in his very own bedroom, sitting on his bed and looking at a magazine. He flipped again, a little further back. There he was, just last year, taking a shower. He flipped again. It was him, sleeping. It was in the cellar, not his old room, so it must have been taken recently. He wanted to throw up. He flipped again, this time further forward in the book. Opening presents on Christmas…Eating dinner with his family, brushing his hair, playing guitar in his room, smoking a joint with Bolo in his basement, kissing Claire on her porch, walking home from school, talking with Vic in his living room. Oh God, he hoped he didn’t have….  Flipping to the very first page, it was pristine and white. In neat, cursive pen was written  _the Best of Kevin Murphy_ . Before he could process it, he heard footsteps, panicking, he closed the book and put it back where he’d found it.

His head was swimming. Why was he documenting his life? How many pictures did he have? What did he know? Was every album dedicated to someone? Or were they all him….? As Mr. Goomer entered the room, he just looked at him. The neighbour produced a twenty dollar bill from his wallet, holding it out for the teenager. Kevin took a few steps forward, taking it cautiously, holding it between his shaking fingers. The neighbour wrapped his arm around him, complimenting his job on the yard. Kevin, in a moment of confidence, pushed him away. Holding up the photo, he asked. “W-why do you have this…?”

“Well, I took that picture, Kevin,” came the answer. As if it were perfectly normal. 

“Why…?” he waited a moment, but got no reply. He tried again. “Are you stalking me?” He waited. Nothing. It was frustrating, yet somehow vaguely intimidating. He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he tell his dad? Goomer didn’t seem to react to Kevin’s uneasiness. Instead, he just took Kevin’s water glass to the kitchen as if nothing strange had happened. Kevin wasn’t sure who he would tell about this, if anyone, but he knew nobody would believe him unless they saw it. He was going to make a break for it with that album! He scanned the shelf for the one he needed. As he went to pull it out, he felt a fist pull him backward by the hair. He let out a scream, a hand clamping down on his mouth. He tried to bite it, claw at it with his hands. Pulling, wiggling, trying to get away. Goomer takes Kevin’s head by two fistfuls of hair and slams his forehead into the edge of the shelf. Kevin cried out again, sharp and desperate. He does it again. Everything goes black.


End file.
